The moment has come that I have been dreading since the emanation of this project: I’m stuck. I’m really, really stuck. I’ve had blips here and there in the last couple of months, but I could power through them and end up with at least a scene if not two. But, the kids got sick, I got sick, I stopped writing for a few weeks, and the excuses piled up. After just a few weeks of not writing, I am already completely out of the practice. Writing is not just inspiration, writing is work. Hard work. It’s also mentally exhausting at times as you’re trying to dig into character’s emotions and simultaneously working through your own. The last time I sat down to write, I eked out a few hundred words, nothing to cover the looming thousands that I’m behind on.
BUT.
Today I sat in my Bible study class and the truth of all of this whacked me in the face again. I absolutely cannot do this on my own. I can’t do this of my own will. When I forget how important God is in this secular book, when I push through on my own “talent,” I produce shoddy work that doesn’t flow. I know for whatever reason, God wants me to write this book. But, he never requested me to show up solely with my talent. In fact, He has requested I show up with nothing, knowing full well that I have nothing to offer besides a willing heart and a love for writing. I got off track for a few weeks, and I left God out of it. I hope I don’t repeat that mistake, but knowing myself, I know I will. Trying to be the best and the brightest and the most talented has always been one of my worst weaknesses. God did give me the ability to learn well and perform well in school, and he gave me the ability to write. But, if I’m doing this all for my own glory, I have it completely backward. This is all for Him. This is all for God’s glory.
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Philippians 2:3-4
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:17
[F]or it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
Philippians 2:13
[…] was dwelling on my disappointment, but then I stopped myself. Who was I doing this for? Was I working for my own glory? Or was I really truly working for God’s? The painful and obvious answer is: I was definitely working for myself and by myself. I wasn’t […]
[…] this song, God once again spoke to me. This book is His, it’s not mine. It’s not my brilliance or inspiration that will cause this book to be completed, it’s His. And […]